Three Fork Enigma

Sorry no new posts. Sorry I haven't really been online but to check facebook. My Poppa has been in the hospital since Tuesday. He had a stroke two weeks ago that the doctors didn't catch. They thought it was his eyes. Tuesday he had another stroke. He can't see out of his...left eye I think. It's completely dead. As is his arm on that side. The hospital that I have grown to love over the years has basically gone crazy. I have no idea what's going on there, but the people...ugh. And everyone is so mixed up orders. There's a different doctor for everything and everyone is saying a different thing. He's going into a rehab center soon. I don't know where. I just got a call that they're trying to move him early. Silly nurses....they asked if we could take him in our car. He's still hooked up to the IV! He hasn't eaten in days. I don't know what they're thinking. I don't know what to think.

I probably won't be online for a while.

Over and out.

I AM moving back home at the end of this semester :)

I wanna write again.
I wanna sing again.
I wanna play again.

I used to be good at so many things and slowly, over the years they began to disappear and I let them. Now I don't know what to do.

I really need to write in here more often. I know I say that quite a bit, but it's pretty true. I haven't written in here really in over a month except for my most recent post. I haven't written in my real journal in...since I came up here for school. It's just sitting in a rubbermaid container under my bed, along with my devotional journal my church got all the graduates last may.

I really liked it. The devotions were short. When I first got it I was craving more. I didn't always do them every night, but I would do two or three, or read more than just the tiny reference they gave us. I was digging through the container looking for something else and I spotted it. I contemplated getting it out, but the thought that went through my mind was, "Do I really need more things to clutter my bed area?"

Yes. Seriously. That was I said to myself. How sad. To throw aside God and the Bible just to save space (which let me tell you, I am not. I am cluttering my space with things much worse than that little journal).

I have a journal that I write about each of my boyfriends in. When I start liking a boy, why I like them, if anything happens with them and then why I break up with them. I haven't even written about my current one. That doesn't mean he isn't important, I just...haven't. I don't remember what I last wrote in it, but...when I open up a journal, I tend to go back and look at stuff. I think I might start crying if I read some things I wrote about a certain boy. I'm not still in love with him, don't worry haha. We were very close though. It was hard to end things. Harder on him, I'm sure. But I'm over all that now. We're becoming friends again, slowly, but surely. I just don't know if I want to read those things again.

Maybe I will tonight though. My boy deserves to be written about.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Happy birthday.

Is it possible to feel really sad about something you weren't even sure of? Weren't even sure existed? I think I got myself excited for the possibility. I think she did too. Even though they weren't ready. Short on money, still in school. It would have been rough. But still! A new, little life. A new, little life lost.

I think she's hurting. I think she's been hurting for a long time and now she's got physical pain to go along with the emotional and spiritual.

We are all hurting.

Karlee is going crazy and just needs it to be known.

This way you guys at least know that I saw it coming.