My body hurts.
I can't think.
It makes me feel stupid and it always seems to pop up when I have a paper due or midterms. How am I supposed to get through school and work when sitting at home, doing nothing makes me feel bad?

So I'm thinking. If I were still at my first school, I first off don't know if I'd be alive.


I would have come back for the summer and worked a horrible job. I would have watched my grandpa slowly whither away and die. I would have seen the toll it took on my dad and grandma and realized there was nothing I could do. And then I would have gone back.


I would have gone back to almost no friends. My one roommate would have moved back home. My other would have moved out the next semester. I don't know if I would have stayed in my relationship or relied on it. I'd like to think that I would has plugged myself in with the few people I knew. But I don't think I would have. If I made it to second semester I would have gotten a frantic call one Sunday morning that my dad was going to the emergency room. I would have had to go to an emergency room by myself twice.


Most of the people I talk to are from work. A place I wouldn't be if I had stayed up there (although other things wouldn't have happened as well). I wouldn't have my sorority because the chapter up there dissolved. I'd have no church (even one I don't go to).


But the point I want to make is that, I'm pretty sure I would have killed myself. And through all the last two years have brought me, I'm thankful for my life.

I had a good time tonight. With a lot of laughs.

Smells I like a lot.

Fresh baked bread

Fresh waffle cones

Rain

Gasoline

A crisp fall breeze

Old books

Old things that smell like old smoke

Leather

New shoes

Coffee

Axe Phoenix body spray

A boy's shirt

Washed clothes

So today my car broke down. Stalled on the way to school. Wonderful... So now I need a new alternator.

Do you ever have moments when areas of your skin are just really, super sensitive? Like a finger or two or a spot on your leg? My finger hurts. It like feels normal till it gets touched or rubbed on something. Then it feels like raw. Suhweeeeet!

010. Try real sushi.

082. Spend a week at the beach and don’t stay inside the whole time.

I gave blood yesterday. They started to take it out of my right arm, but it just wasn't coming out. I'm pretty much thinking she went right through the vein. It's bruised now =( My other arm had no shortage of blood though. It actually spurted it out everywhere. Hawt. Apparetly I'm still on the low end of normal iron too. They made me give less blood too cause I don't weigh a lot. A least that makes me feel good.

So I don't know if I mentioned it on here, but my sister is preeeeeeggerrrrrs! She's having a little boy in February (my month!!). And even though I think we were kinda hoping for a little girl (secretly of course...kinda. My mom put a tiny bit of pink in the blanket she knitted), we're really excited and this baby is gonna be so, so spoiled!

I'm also still hoping I don't fail German.