The last few days have been difficult. Emotionally.

I am happy. Don't get me wrong. I just have those moments.

July is getting closer. I don't know how we'll deal with it this year. I wanna be there for grandma. For dad. I wanna go to mass. But while I wanna focus my entire day on him. I want to run away. Be distracted. Forget. Grandma deals every day. Every night. She puts herself through it. Dad deals internally. He doesn't realize how much it affects him. I deal on nights like this. When it hits. And it hits hard.

And I want to remember.

And I want to forget.