Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I better not get blamed for any of this now....but my uterus hurts.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I don't know which album that's come out in the last 3 months that I want the most. Probably Bon Iver. Trying not to illegally download. But I can't believe I haven't listened to a single song off it yet. Must. Make. Way. To. Record. Store.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Sometimes I get distracted going to bed. I start doing one thing which leads to another which leads to another.

Sometimes I think you play me songs and I think they're for me at first until I start to think that maybe they were for her.

Which is ok. Because I have songs for them. It will just always be songs for them. But you play them without talking or explaining. Half the song fits me. Half fits your past. I can't know.

Don't take this personally.

You talked about her. Which is good. You need to get that out. To figure out why it bothered you. But. Did you mention me? And when you did, did you blame me? I feel like I'm realizing I can't blame myself because I told you over and over to get your priorities right.

But you know it still hurts.

And where does that leave me...

I feel okay. And I feel broken. I am okay. Just torn. Where does this leave me? What do I do?

Sometimes I think about scary things. Sometimes I jump in the future (maybe not so distant) and freak out. I'm feeling like there's a curse at my store. Just avout every girl's dad has passed away before or during working at the store. Is that something I'm destined to follow? If so I want to quit right away.

Sometimes I'm scared to ask you questions. Sometimes I'm scared to ask about your dad. And you don't want to open up. And I can't pry. So I sit here in the dark not knowing.

Medication rant. Apologies.

Monday, June 6, 2011

One of my bosses (kinda) at work was asking me what my major is. What I'd be majoring in if I get my Master's. She said, "Oh yeah, my friend was a writing major. She hasn't found a job in 3 years. She works at a grocery store now. I just don't think that major is a good idea."

A) I'm already graduating. Thanks for the helpful tip that I should change my major NOW.

4. You never went to college. You're working your way up to middle management. Wow. That's something to be proud of.

ii. Your friend also wasn't actively searching for employment. Nor was she looking for employment in the field I am trying to break into. She was writing. Plain and simple. Nothing else.

7.9) I don't care that you know a lot of English majors that aren't working in that field or that can't find jobs. I am not them.