Tuesday, December 16, 2008


My body is tired.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Dear person,
Maybe it's because I just woke up (yeah I know it's after noon haha), but I've taken a new view on all this. When I finally become coherent I'll probably be all, "Aghhh" again. But for now, I don't care. I mean, if you stopped caring so long ago (HA!), then I really shouldn't care at all. I just hope you lead a happy, happy life. Because you were a nice friend for a month. And you deserve some happiness. So have a nice life :)

Love (or don't),
you're no longer friend, Karlee.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


Maybe it's the weather

So maybe it's the weather that's making me feel this way. Maybe it's the relationship, or the friendship, or my poppa. Or all of them combined. But I am feeling down.
No appetite.
None at all.
Sleeping late.
Staying up later.
Pushing through the tiredness.
I wanna stay home.
I wanna do nothing.
I wanna go out.
I wanna party.
And forget about everything.

I wanna do something wild. Something different. Something to make me not feel.

But I've been here before, and I don't think that's the answer.

Ps. I need to brush my teeth.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Am I Okay?

Dude, you care now? That's strange, I thought we weren't talking. But yeah! I'm fine! "Are you sure?"


No, you know what, I'm not okay. I feel like crap. This has been a bad week.

A bad few weeks.

First Thanksgiving since he died.
His first birthday, since he died.
Freaking Latin Mass...
Loss of friend.
And my friend's dog died. And that bothers me too. Because I love that dog. Best dog in the world.


So no, I'm really not okay. But you really don't care. So yeah, I'm fine.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Uh oh overlapping shifts!

I'm happier today. Like I promised. But my back hurts, because of blocking haha.

I don't really have anything to write about. Other than lots of LOLZing.

And almost dying from LOLZing at Sarah finding out Dumbledore is gay. Hahahahha.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I am aware, I've been misled

I disconnect my heart, my head.

Tomorrow I'll tell a happier story.

While we're on this topic of breaking hearts and betrayal and whatever else I've been rambling about haha I forgot one!!

A couple years ago I met this guy through a friend. He was a few years older than me and we weren't really talking like, "Hey let's go out" talking. We were just talking. But he basically told me I was the kinda girl he would wanna be with. So for several months, we're pretty tight. Like getting to be really good friends it seems like.

Theeeeen guess what happens!!

He has a date with this girl. And all the sudden, he can't talk to me anymore. Six months later, they're married. WTF. Am I destined to be the girl-until-I-find-a-better-one girl?

I can't believe I forgot that one. That was a major one.

Sooo here's something for a change of subject (which I promise will come tomorrow for real if I remember to blog).

I totally thought my speech exam was today, but it's not. There's still a-whole-nother group that has to speak!! So that kinda sucks cause I wanted to get it over with and be done today. But no, I have to go in Thursday.

Oh wells.

I love ya'lls that read this whoever you are!

Monday, December 8, 2008


I haven't done this in a while because I haven't been checking postsecret. Sad!!

This is why I never sent you pictures

This is what I hope to do

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2008 11:13 PM
Subject: spend christmas with her

spend christmas with me.

She is treading water still.
Hopelessly hopeless,
and she is swimming,
further into the sea.
Thinking she's substandard,
While all the while,
She is beautiful to me.

She is strong and silent,
She is blunt and shrewd,
She thinks that nobody loves her,
If she only knew,
How much we all have missed her,
We are praying for you, my little sister
I hope she gives you all the kinky sex you knew you would never get from me.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Happy Birthday

I have had my heart broken by a few boys in my life. Never really while dating them though. I always do the breaking up.

No these are the boys that seemingly just want to be friends. Or maybe they mention they might want to be more. But let's get to know each other first. Or maybe they're just flirtatious. And the problem starts right about here. Where I start to fall for them.

Then something happens.

They change their mind.
I make them mad.
Or they just stop talking.
Or, most recently, I am told to just stop talking.

And I've got to tell you, that it breaks my heart.

It always gets to the point where I think I've found a new best friend or I get quite attached and then I am left to fend for myself, again.

I can feel it. With every inch of my being.

But I can't cry.

Tomorrow is poppa's birthday. It's gonna be a hard one. My grandma is coming to spend the night so she won't have to be alone. That makes it harder.

It's also Sarah's birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday Sarah.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Meds finally came in and I enjoyed a lovely Thanksgiving with a lot more family than I thought would be there. And it was lovely.

My store gave away all the pies and cakes and half-price Thanksgiving flowers so they wouldn't rot that day. So I got flowers for all of the ladies in my family and some pies and what not. It was great.

I've been all poopy feeling lately. Part of it was the withdrawals I think. But now I just feel kinda depressed. End of my third semester of college and its a pain. My brain is...soot.

Blah blah blah.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Day 5- withdrawals

I'm finding that my brain isn't buzzing too much in the mornings. Thats starts later. Its possible that if it is electrical (which the brain is, so that makes sense), my brain is just not charged enough in the morning. 'Specially since I didn't sleep much at all.

Stomach is still rolling. I'm trying to eat dry Multi-grain Cheerios.




So seeing as I haven't had my meds for 4 days because the pharmacy hasn't mailed them to me yet, I've been going through some pretty wacky withdrawals. Migraines, brain buzz, dehydration and inability to sleep to name a few. Because of all of this, I've been spending a lot of time on the internet. I've also been thinking. And thinking without anti-depressants leads to crying. So here I am at 12:41 AM, needing to wake up in 7 hours to get ready for class, crying about my future and my grandpa (don't even ask how everything gets merged together) and I decide, "Hey, I might as well write about this."

So I have this so-called "invisible disease" called Fibromyalgia (Fi-bro-MY-al-ja). And I've been reading a lot of stuff. And I'm really starting to freak out about what might happen to me in the future. You see, I'm not that bad right now. Vague pain, chronic fatigue. I've felt this way for a very long time. Either I've gotten used to the pain or I'm not as bad as some people are. I already feel like an old person. By the time I hit 30, what's going to happen to me? Will I need a cane or a walker? Will I be able to raise my children? Cook and clean? Will I even be able to hold down a job?

I cooked dinner tonight. I felt this burst of energy as I thought of a great recipe to try. Half-way through I could tell it had been a bad idea. I was starting to wobble. By the end of cooking, I wasn't even hungry. I had to lie down.

It happens like that for me. I get these sudden bursts where I feel like I can do something. And because I normally can't, I decide to over do it. And then I pay for it.

I've been told I just need to exercise. You exercise for me please, and then realize when you're done that you haven't worked out in over a year and you totally forgot to stretch and warm up. You know that burn? Multiply that.

The Clothespin Challenge

"Granted, the pain we feel with Fibromyalgia is much greater than pinching your skin with a clothespin but you have to remember that the people you will have do this challenge are not used to experiencing pain on a daily basis like we are. Although to us a clothespin pinching may be mild, to someone not in our shoes it could hurt a lot. It is just to show what it is like to be in constant pain. It is NOT a comparision of the type of pain or the illness itself."

Here’s how it works:

- Place a clothespin on your finger

- Set a timer for 30 minutes

- See how long you can bear the pain. Did you leave the clothespin on for 15 minutes? 10? 5?

- NOW. Imagine this pain forever… This should help you understand what it is like to live with constant pain - but people with FM can’t just “remove” the pain the way you can remove that clothespin!

I sit in the shower. It's sometimes a struggle to brush my hair. I find that sometimes it takes effort to breathe (and wonder what it would be like if I could just...not). My skin is sensitive. Not just in the sensitive skin way (which it never used to be, but is now), but in the way that you could brush up against me and it would feel like fire.

Have you ever had a long night of drinking, and not hydrated yourself at all? You woke up feeling like crap right? Imagine that constantly.

Ever walked to the fridge to get something and forgotten what you went for? Try getting up to go to the bathroom and ending up brushing your cat in the other room only to remember 15 minutes later you needed to pee. And oh yeah, you have a paper due in 3 hours.

I try not to dwell on this stuff. I finally have a name for the way I feel, rather than just chalking it up to depression and lack of exercise.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Clinging to my guns and religion

I doubt anyone reads this so I don't have any problem voicing my opinion here. I'll come back and write more later, but...

Who's ready for Socialism?

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Is this all I do now?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thursday, June 26, 2008

My favorite this week

Friday, June 20, 2008

Sooo...what's new?

Sunday, June 1, 2008

So it's been a while, but I finally finished my first year at college. Now comes the tough part of trying to get accepted into a different college at home. Tried to the state college, but I haven't heard anything back yet. Silly high schoolers are taking my spots. So the community college is next.

I'm working now. Won't say where to protect myself from internet stalkers (even though I've tried to not even say where I live), but if any of mah peeps wanna know where, let me know. It's pretty fun so far. Just had orientation on Thursday and I'm scheduled for a couple shifts this week to shadow some people and get used to everything. I'm so happy to finally have a job. And one that's gonna last longer than a week (stupid school bookstore).

I just ate a really, nasty, frozen chicken pot pie. I want to throw up. I love pot pies. This thing was nasty though. Shouldn't have eaten it at all. Oh well.

I don't want to throw up on my computer. Later days.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

I got a Wii, I got a Wii, I got a Wii, hey hey hey hey!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The right song stuck in my head

So sometimes I get songs stuck in my head. Sometimes they get stuck there without me having even listened to it. Sometimes it's random, and sometimes I think it's just the song I need to hear. God is always at work in my life.

I remember hearing this song for the first time. There was supposed to be a concert at FCC. September 11, 2001. Yep. That day. I was supposed to go with my church. We weren't sure it was still gonna go on, but it did. It was Andrew Peterson. He had graduated from there and he was leaving the next day. I think he also felt God pushing him. We needed a relaxing, encouraging concert. I think I bought the CD for this song. It was a hidden track, but when he sang it (putting in FCC instead of Tennessee), it touched me. Deeeeeep down. This CD is old, but I still go back and listen to it. Often. Every word that comes out of this man's mouth is encouraging. And I only have this one CD. Andyways, to the lyrics...
He wrote this when he got back from a mission trip in South America.

Land of the Free - Andrew Peterson

Little Elba, how’s the sun in South America?
Does it shine upon the faces of the poor?
Do they see in it the brilliance of the place that’s been prepared
And dwell upon the hope that’s in store?

Or are they just like me?
Do they only see
An opportunity to complain about the heat?

Little Elba, how’s the rain in South America?
Does it fall upon the rooftops of the sick?
Do they thank the Lord for coming up with such a great idea?
And dream about a place beyond all this
Or are they just like us
Do they gripe and fuss
About the rain and mud when they’ve had too much?

Because I’m just a little jealous
Of the nothing that you have
You’re unfettered by the wealth of
Of a world we pretend is gonna last

Well I’m weary of the spoils of my ambition
And I’m shackled by the comfort of my couch
Oh, I wish I had the courage to deny these of my self
And start to store my treasure in the clouds
Because this is not my home
I do not belong
Where the antelope and the buffalo roam

And I’m just a little jealous
Of the nothing that you have
You’re unfettered by the wealth of
Of a world we pretend is gonna last

They say God blessed us with plenty
But I say you’re blessed with poverty
Cause you never stop to wonder whether earth is just a little better
Than the land of the free

So I hope you’re safe and dry in South America
Cause I’m feeling pretty good in Tennessee
But may you never be so happy
That you forget about your home
Your home in the land of the free

Seriously, if you haven't heard of this guy, you should check him out. Good encouraging Christian music. But also catchy for the non-Christians.

- Karlee

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I am so ready to get out of here.

I want to be home.

I want to be done with school.

I want to be working.

I want to be with my family.

I want to be with Brandon (almost 6 months!!!).

I want to be happy again.

My life here, while its been good experience has been pretty miserable. I don't know how to tell certain people this. Without them, I wouldn't be here. Physically at this school and possibly living. Without them, I would have been a lot happier though. I try. I know I'm weird, but I try. I try so hard to be funny and nice and helpful. I'm always there to listen. And they come to me when they're mad at each other or when the other isn't around.

And I become the best friend.

And then as soon as the problem is solved or the other has returned, I feel like I'm thrown in the mud.

It never ends!

One day I say something funny. I make the same joke later and get a blank stare. Glare. Silence.

I'm just going to be happy to be home with family and friends who really love me. Unconditionally. You say you're my friends, but I really don't know if I believe it. It's only true half the time. And that's not true friendship. So I'll be glad to get back to those who are true.

Time to name drop.

Thank you to everyone at home who have helped me get through this tough year and years before (yeah this is lame...in no particular order):

Mommy and Daddy

Thanks for just listening. Thanks for talking. Thanks for being there.

And thanks to the three people who have made an attempt to be friends with me up here even though they probably don't read this,

Sam, Tim and Grant. I always do get along better with guys don't I haha?

I loooove my friiiends!

Now, I need to write paper. Which probably isn't gonna happen.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Karlee Simpson


Sunday, April 6, 2008

Monday, March 24, 2008

Three Fork Enigma


Saturday, March 15, 2008

Sorry no new posts. Sorry I haven't really been online but to check facebook. My Poppa has been in the hospital since Tuesday. He had a stroke two weeks ago that the doctors didn't catch. They thought it was his eyes. Tuesday he had another stroke. He can't see out of his...left eye I think. It's completely dead. As is his arm on that side. The hospital that I have grown to love over the years has basically gone crazy. I have no idea what's going on there, but the people...ugh. And everyone is so mixed up orders. There's a different doctor for everything and everyone is saying a different thing. He's going into a rehab center soon. I don't know where. I just got a call that they're trying to move him early. Silly nurses....they asked if we could take him in our car. He's still hooked up to the IV! He hasn't eaten in days. I don't know what they're thinking. I don't know what to think.

I probably won't be online for a while.

Over and out.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I AM moving back home at the end of this semester :)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

I wanna write again.
I wanna sing again.
I wanna play again.

I used to be good at so many things and slowly, over the years they began to disappear and I let them. Now I don't know what to do.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I really need to write in here more often. I know I say that quite a bit, but it's pretty true. I haven't written in here really in over a month except for my most recent post. I haven't written in my real journal in...since I came up here for school. It's just sitting in a rubbermaid container under my bed, along with my devotional journal my church got all the graduates last may.

I really liked it. The devotions were short. When I first got it I was craving more. I didn't always do them every night, but I would do two or three, or read more than just the tiny reference they gave us. I was digging through the container looking for something else and I spotted it. I contemplated getting it out, but the thought that went through my mind was, "Do I really need more things to clutter my bed area?"

Yes. Seriously. That was I said to myself. How sad. To throw aside God and the Bible just to save space (which let me tell you, I am not. I am cluttering my space with things much worse than that little journal).

I have a journal that I write about each of my boyfriends in. When I start liking a boy, why I like them, if anything happens with them and then why I break up with them. I haven't even written about my current one. That doesn't mean he isn't important, I just...haven't. I don't remember what I last wrote in it, but...when I open up a journal, I tend to go back and look at stuff. I think I might start crying if I read some things I wrote about a certain boy. I'm not still in love with him, don't worry haha. We were very close though. It was hard to end things. Harder on him, I'm sure. But I'm over all that now. We're becoming friends again, slowly, but surely. I just don't know if I want to read those things again.

Maybe I will tonight though. My boy deserves to be written about.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Happy birthday.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Is it possible to feel really sad about something you weren't even sure of? Weren't even sure existed? I think I got myself excited for the possibility. I think she did too. Even though they weren't ready. Short on money, still in school. It would have been rough. But still! A new, little life. A new, little life lost.

I think she's hurting. I think she's been hurting for a long time and now she's got physical pain to go along with the emotional and spiritual.

We are all hurting.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Karlee is going crazy and just needs it to be known.

This way you guys at least know that I saw it coming.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I haven't posted in a while. And I'm not really gonna post right now, but this was a bulletin posted by Circa Survive on Myspace and I feel the need to repeat it.

i lay in a windowless box, a murderer. pled guilty, found guilty, and left alone. i can hear people, and cars,and windows opening, and power tools, and im tired, anxious , scared , lonely, and wondering. why do we kill the inspired. why do we kill the ones who inspire us? why do all the peace preachers die by our hands. how many more young artist-how many more lovers bodies must be found until we can understand love. to what form do we expect the spirit to take that we wont imprison, incarcerate, or ignore. when will she return and cleanse our souls? i sit on a street in Southampton in a world divided by enablers and addicts and i wonder how many lives have i taken. a quarter of my life spent terrified of the truth, terrified of who i really am, consumed by guilt and unable or unwilling to recognize all the splendor thats here in the wonderful present. if everyone suffers from depression, anxiety , loneliness, sleeplessness, jealously, denial, restless mind syndrome, manic living, manic eating, manic fucking, then why do we take our pills in secret. how much is anonymity worth to you, and how is it different than just being alone? why do we put such a price on life without fear?why is our meaning handed out like free samples, and told truth is hiding anywhere but in ourselves and in each other. we enjoy a public nervous breakdown like the romans enjoyed burning the bodies of the faithful. we are spectators in a ring of death, and dying just the same. a candle snuffed out in a pasture of neon light. what drugs are keeping you alive, happy, focussed,thin,energized, socially secure, numb to pain, numb to sadness ...numb. we are the manic children of a single god few have spoken to or seen,but if you listen really close you can hear her as all the world sobs . she says" you don't ever have to be afraid, because nothing is real expect love". then we kill her, and go back to wondering why.
lets not let another person take there life(or have there life taken) before we begin to ask why we choose to live like this. obsessed with and starving for fear and all its by-products,diagnosed and separate from all the other terminal cases.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

I'm happy, but I'm not.
I've got a great family and great friends and a great boyfriend. Why can't I find that perfect happiness. Is anyone ever really perfectly happy? Maybe I'm expecting too much.

I am happy. I really am. I'm just not perfectly content with where my life is heading.

I don't like school (but who does...oh wait...I normally do).
My roommates...I love them. I really do. But they are so totally different than I am. It's hard. It's really hard.
I miss my family and I miss my friends and I miss my boyfriend more than I thought I could.
College is expensive too. If I came back here and went to school it would save so much money. To live at home and get a job and eat here. I would only have to worry about tuition. It's a tough decision though. I mean I already have so much invested in this college. I mean think of the shirts and sweatshirts I've already bought haha. Do I really want to give up the freedom of living on my own? Of not having to call every time I go out? Or do I kinda-maybe-a-little-bit miss that? Part of me does and part of me doesn't. Do I want to leave my roommates alone? Would they care if I left and went to school here? They probably don't even know that I've been thinking about it.

I'm rambling. My blog...I don't care. No one reads it anyway haha.

I'm really sick right now. Just got back from Tennessee yesterday. Saw snow for the first time. Pretty sweet. Pretty cold as well. Hence the sickness. Ear infection and sinus infection. School starts tomorrow. When am I driving back? Tomorrow. First class at 11:00. When am I planning on getting to school? 10:00. Oh I got you there. You thought I'd say 11:00. Nope. I'm not that stupid. MW: 4 classes. Lit 11-11:50, Bio 12-12:50 (rush rush rush), Math for Teachers 3-4:15, Art 6-8:45. TR: Anthropology 1:40-2:55. R: Bio Lab 3-5:50. F: Lit 11-11:50, Bio 12-12:50.

I'm crazy. I think my roommates are both taking 12 hours again. I took 15 last semester. Sixteen this semester. Carly is taking like 18 or something crazy like that. My mom did that. And worked. I don't know if I can handle that. Fifteen was hard enough not working. I'm gonna try and get a job this semester. Oh boy, oh boy.

I think I'm gonna take a nap now. And rest. My poor, weary body.