Sunday, March 28, 2010

Goodbye blogger.

Friday, March 26, 2010

I don't mean to be mean.

For real.

I'm just tired and confused.

You aren't getting the slow thing. No matter what you think.

I'm sorry it hurts your feelings. But I'm trying to do what I feel is best. And diving right in is not that.

Leads to heart ache and grief.

And i've already got that.

I feel like I have a novel to write.

I feel like there's been too much death recently.

I feel too much.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Tonight I wanted to write iny journal. When I got home I washed my face, took my medicine (can call it that), and turned off the light. So no journal.
I've been thinking a lot about my medication. Is it really helping me? Am I better? How will I know? How do I know the difference between depression and simple sadness anymore? Once that one has been blurred, is there ever any going back?

Ah, going back. The point of my sadness. The point of my rant. Is it ever right to want to go back and change certain things. If you were given the chance, how would it affect the future. Are we destined to live certain lives? Do certain things? Be with certain people? If I went back to childhood could I stop this sickness from happening? Write the great American novel?

If I question decisions I've made, does it mean they were the wrong ones? Does it matter?

I know God has a plan for me. I know that I need to male certain decisions to get there though. He knows what's gonna happen. I just hope his plan is what he sees.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I'm sorry I'm hard to live with it's living that's the problem for me.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I need to write. Computer is so close but I'm gonna do it mobily from bed.

Just some rAndom thoughts.

I've been having a lot of Publix dreams lately. Not so scary like the old ones. Just lots of us living together and traveling together.

Other dreams include seattle and forks. I need to go back. I'd like to mAke it am anual trip. Plan for bringing back souvenirs and fruit amd pack like one outfit for the whole time. I hope it happens again. If it's I'm a dream it's obviously something deep Down ImportNt to me. Excuse the grammar. Sleeping pill is taking effect. I want to be emmersed in that culture. Buying fresh organic fruit everyday. Growing fresh fruit. Living in the rainy weather. Seeing the mountain once a year. But it's so far awAy. I'd like to move there for a year. And kist be off on my own. But o have no savings. Nothing. I've got to het awY. Get out of here. Love my family. But I've got to move on at some point.
Carly. Let's start plan ing our farm. Even 6 months away. Let's go woofing.

I need to stop looking back. Relating this to lost and other sco fi shows, ww all have free will. We make one decision amd are shot off I. One direction. If I chose the other option I'd be faced with another mew decision. Would they all lead to the same outcome? I lile to think so. Makesme worry less. But there's always what ifs. I just have to trust that while god gavee free will, he jas a plan fore and that I'll find my way to it eventually. I have a feelinhyhis is incomprehensible. So I'll stop here.

Friday, March 12, 2010

We're not getting any younger, and I
Won't look back 'cause there's no use
It's time to move forward.
I just want to crawl in a hole and die.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Is this happiness?

I don't think so.

I don't even know if its contentment anymore.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Kate! I don't have msn. Is it a messenger like aim? is my email :)