What do I want?

Well that is a good question.

I don't feel like I want a serious relationship.

But I don't want to be the "booty call" girl either.

If there was even the glimmer of a future, I wouldn't mind so much, but you don't want a relationship either, so I refuse to be that girl.  I refuse to be used.

In other news, my phone is sucking again.  I've already had it replaced twice so I think it's time for them to give me a new, different kind of phone.  I would like an iPhone.  I can only choose from 3 phones though.  So that kinda sucks.

In other, other news, I'm feelings worse again.  Migraines everyday, bloating, achey body.  I don't sleep through the night, even on sleeping pills.  I just can't wake up in the morning.

All I do is complain.

This song is in a commercial.  I like it haha.

http://90210.mysfdomain.com/state_farm_sixteen.mp3

Called it.

That's disgusting.  I am so glad we broke up and I do NOT want to get back together.  This just made me almost barf.  I mean hooking up with two girls in one night...most likely in the same bed.  And I mean...I have no words.  I wish you could see my face.  It's disgusted.  I mean if I were a guy, I'm sure I'd be going, "Oh yeah man that's awesome!"  But I'm not.  So ew.

We almost went to Starbucks tonight and I would have keyed your car.  Or done something to it.  This is to get out the rest of my anger.  Then hopefully I'll be through.

Look if you really meant all those things that you said, you would have sat down and had a mature conversation with me, but you're scared.  You're scared of opening up to people and you're scared of being vulnerable and you probably don't even want to do what you said.  So keep going from girl to girl, until you're too old to do it anymore.

calm that wicked wind,
to pick you up
and carry you off eastward,
though i did release you
for to seek a warmer sky

should you be blown back
know that i will always run to greet you,
still surprised to catch you
every time

armed with this small butterfly net
i will face the world alone
& never be lonely

so calm that wicked wind,
& if you go, you could be gone forever
i will play awhile here
by & by & by & by -

armed with this small butterfly net
i will face the world alone
& never be lonely

up & up you go
for to steal the secrets of the heavens
will you share them with me
my bright & brilliant spy?

should you be blown back
know that i will always run to greet you
still surprised to catch you
every time
still surprised to catch you
by & by & by & by -

Bishop Allen is amazing.

I smothered you.  I clung.  

And I pleased you in more way than one. (didn't intend for this to rhyme).

I gave you a second chance.

But you aren't willing to give me one.

But I stay strong, and move on.

But I'm gonna call it like I did last time.  You won't easily forget the connection we had.  You won't easily forget me.  And next time, I might not be around to take you back.

My dad's friend was like the vice executive president of something at a certain bank branch in a major city.  They merged with another bank.  And he just got forced out.  Now he's got a lot of money.  He's money smart, that's why he works for a bank.  But they offered him a promotion and he took it and then they fired him.  And now he's without a job.  It's scary how quickly it can happen and how it can happen to anyone.  Pray that he'll find a job somewhere and he can keep providing a comfortable life for his stay-at-home wife and 3 little girls.  (Even though I'm extremely jealous of all they have, he's worked hard to get there and he deserves to keep what he's earned).

Pray for the father of a friend of mine who has a commitment to the family business, but has a strong dream to be a gospel singer.  I think he'll make it if he can get the business taken care of.  And pray for his son, my friend, who feels he has to make the same commitment to the business.

This is partially so I can remember to pray as well haha.

And for a friend of a friend who's going through a rough time.

And my friend, who's in rehab, and has a tough decision to make.  And her family.

No names...just in case no one wants anyone to know....that's gramatically switched around.

Dear you,

You make me happy.

Dear you,

You make me happy.

Dear you,

Talking to you makes me happy.

Dear you,

Seeing you makes me happy.

Dear you,

Getting texts from you puts a smile on my face and brightens my day.

Dear you,

Texting you throughout the day keeps me going.

Dear you,

You make me happy.