Saturday, January 22, 2011


Okay, not really. But it has been disappointing. I'm tired of plans falling through. I'm tired of excuses. I'm tired of faking happiness.

Also, I'm tired of homework, so if that could go away too...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It'd be nice if I could go a day without embarrassing myself.

Without injuring myself.

Thinking positively, without worry.

It'd be nice if you weren't so quick to say good night.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Today I tried to do my hair like this:

Or tried to be similar. If I had a tangerine I would take a picture. But I don't, so I just look like Princess Leah.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Today is a bad day. And a better day. So I don't know whether to be happy or sad. But I'm crying either way.

Friday, January 14, 2011

So what's on the menu for this semester so far:

I hate my job. We have a new supervisor. And she's a bitch.

I already dropped a class. But that's probably a good thing. Now I'll have more time to spend with my...wait...where are all my friends? Oh they're in school or working? I guess I'll have more time to do homework and work-work and maybe be with my family. Maybe I'll just get really lazy and depressed and lay in bed all the time. Hopefully not, we'll see.

I'm single. This is probably a good thing too. I have no idea what is going on in my life. I haven't for a while. I've been trying to get medicines under control. Pain under control. Depression and fatigue under control. None of that has really happened yet. It's really easy for things to throw me off. Like a new bitch boss, or a bad break up.

I've been trying to do devotions. That is nice. I miss my sorority. I miss the fellowship with God. I miss church.

I miss...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

My iPod shuffle is playing such good songs I don't want to get out of the car.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
- Psalm 119:50

I came across this tonight. And needed to make note that this is me. How many times has God saved me from ending it all? Too many to count.

I want to start a dream journal.

Monday, January 10, 2011

You know, as a girl, I can't say I've never had my heart broken or been royally screwed over by a guy (although I tend to do the breaking up), but I've noticed a trend in my guy friends. They get seriously messed up by women. They give all they have and get screwed and then they never want to have a relationship again. And that sucks.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I think I'm beginning to feel better. Somewhat. I haven't been crying nearly as much, except in appropriate situations. I haven't been having panic attacks where I'm texting people, saying, "There's something wrong. I'm not okay." And even if I do have panic attacks, I don't want that to be what I do. I don't need to throw my burdens on other people.

I'd like to go a semester without crying in the library. I'd like to end my college experience on a happy note.

And I really want to go to England. And I don't want to let money stop me. Or time. If I don't get in for the fall because I'm cutting it so close on time, why can't I work for a year and get my Master's a year later. There's no reason I can't do that.

I'm having happy moments again. I'm not staying inside my head even when I'm with people, or feeling sorry for myself. I'm enjoying things and moments and seconds.