Post Secret (almost typed sexret which was kind of appropriate) had some really good new secrets for this week. Here's my top choices...normally I choose one, but I couldn't narrow it down so I chose three. In order:

It makes me mad to go through these spurts of happiness and sadness. Some days I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up for a very long time (it reminds me of the days when I was very depressed). Some days I just feel content and I have a good time. It helps when there are people around and when I've got a distraction. It doesn't help that my school work is piling up this week. It also doesn't help that my new medication is causing me to have side effects.

And new problems are surfacing. I don't want to eat anymore. No, I'm not anorexic. I feel sick and nauseous every time I eat. I can drink a glass of water and start to feel nauseous. No I'm not pregnant. I've probably created some kind of ulcer. Everything just sits in my chest. I feel like my grandpa. Oh Thanksgiving will be fun.

I need to remember though that in times of sadness and in times of happiness, I must do everything with joy. Lord please give me a joyful heart.

Just thought you should know.

My mouth tastes bad.


Just thought you should know.

So I feel like crap. Yesterday I was in a really weird mood. I just didn't feel quite right all day long. I felt sick, but I felt weird mood-wise as well. That night I stayed up pretty late (4:30AM) working on a stupid project with my roommate (that we now have been given time to redo...how nice). I was so freaking tired, plus the weird feeling. I was talking to someone online and I said something kinda stupid and mean without thinking about it. I joke around a lot without thinking. I need to learn not to do that. But I think I really hurt this person and while they said it was okay...I can't quite get over it.

I've got other worries on my plate as well.

I never loved nobody fully
always one foot on the ground
and by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds

And that's so true for me. I never ever given up my heart to anyone really and I'm really quite scared about it. It's so fragile and could be broken so easily. And I've got the way it could be broken in my mind. So easy, so simple. Right in front of you. And I don't know what to do. I'm trusting you not to break this.

I hate them all, I hate them all.
I hate myself, for hating them.
So I'll drink some more. I love them all.
I'll drink even more. I'll hate them even more than I did before.

Im tired of being so judgemental of everyone
I will not go to sleep, I will train my eyes to see
And my mind is as blind as the birds on a tree.

There's my next thing...gotta gotta stop judging people. I love everyone.

And yeah, I'm gonna end it with some more lyrics. My blog, deal with it.

I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes, I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry, with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers tower over me

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And all the promise we adored?
Give us life again, cause we just wanna be whole

Lock the doors
Cause I'd like to capture this voice that came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights, I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers tower over me

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And all the promise we adored?
Give us life again, cause we just wanna be whole

Tower over me
Tower over me
And I'll take the truth at any cost

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And all the promise we adored?
Give us life again, cause we just wanna be whole.

Here's that song if you want to download it:
We Are Broken - Paramore

So sorry.

Apparently bumping feet accidentally under the desk is a big deal.

And I'm so annoying.

I'm so sorry.

I'll just stop talking now.

"God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going." (2Cor 4:9)

Other people have problems so much worse than mine. When will I learn to just be content?

And I realize that the verse and what I wrote don't seem to relate much, but they do to me at the moment...so yeah.

Oh we are so different

Oh we are sooo different. There would be no way.
No way!
No way that I would take a loser like that back.
Maybe if you'd known him for longer, I wouldn't feel this way.
I know what its like to fall for someone.
To fall hard.
But to know someone for...a week?
And take him back after that...

But it's your decision. And I'm not going to say another word.