Monday, January 28, 2008

I haven't posted in a while. And I'm not really gonna post right now, but this was a bulletin posted by Circa Survive on Myspace and I feel the need to repeat it.

i lay in a windowless box, a murderer. pled guilty, found guilty, and left alone. i can hear people, and cars,and windows opening, and power tools, and im tired, anxious , scared , lonely, and wondering. why do we kill the inspired. why do we kill the ones who inspire us? why do all the peace preachers die by our hands. how many more young artist-how many more lovers bodies must be found until we can understand love. to what form do we expect the spirit to take that we wont imprison, incarcerate, or ignore. when will she return and cleanse our souls? i sit on a street in Southampton in a world divided by enablers and addicts and i wonder how many lives have i taken. a quarter of my life spent terrified of the truth, terrified of who i really am, consumed by guilt and unable or unwilling to recognize all the splendor thats here in the wonderful present. if everyone suffers from depression, anxiety , loneliness, sleeplessness, jealously, denial, restless mind syndrome, manic living, manic eating, manic fucking, then why do we take our pills in secret. how much is anonymity worth to you, and how is it different than just being alone? why do we put such a price on life without fear?why is our meaning handed out like free samples, and told truth is hiding anywhere but in ourselves and in each other. we enjoy a public nervous breakdown like the romans enjoyed burning the bodies of the faithful. we are spectators in a ring of death, and dying just the same. a candle snuffed out in a pasture of neon light. what drugs are keeping you alive, happy, focussed,thin,energized, socially secure, numb to pain, numb to sadness ...numb. we are the manic children of a single god few have spoken to or seen,but if you listen really close you can hear her as all the world sobs . she says" you don't ever have to be afraid, because nothing is real expect love". then we kill her, and go back to wondering why.
lets not let another person take there life(or have there life taken) before we begin to ask why we choose to live like this. obsessed with and starving for fear and all its by-products,diagnosed and separate from all the other terminal cases.