I don't know what's real and what's fake anymore.
Some of these feelings are so strong.
I keep getting frustrated. I can't hold off anymore. You make me angry. Everything makes me angry.

Sometimes, I think about going back. Then I realize what has changed. I have changed. And there's no going back. Nothing will ever be the same.

And I miss you.

Bongos and trumpets.

When things are going okay, all I can do is self-destruct.

Now that I've officially missed my sleep window, I just need to say that I shouldn't have to feel this way. I talk to you and you think you know what I'm going through, but you have no idea. And I just keep getting worse.

Do you listen to me at all?

I'm sorry. Did I offend you in some way? Does asking, "how are you doing today" warrant scowls and one word answers? Is there a reason you walk away when I walk up? Do I smell? Your job is to go to the first register you see that needs help. That doesn't mean the first one you see that has someone you know or like on it. It doesn't work that way. So confused.

Everything is so beautiful tonight. There's this real, low-hanging moon in the sky, almost a half, but still a crescent. It's red in the sun's light and you can literally see where the earth is blocking the light. Then, we came across a young male and female deer couple. And they were so frail looking. Pretty, little things.

Where do chemical imbalances come from? Why are we stressed or sad or crazy for no reason at all? Can it really be true that we've repressed things from childhood for so long, that they've manifested themselves in these ways? And if that's the case, how bad must those things be?

Do you ever notice that when you try to do things that will make you look better, feel better, be better, the bad things come out too? Just one more day of this, just one last time of this and I'll be better. And somehow it makes it all worse.

Do YOU ever feel unhappy, but not sad? Do you feel anything at all? What is worse?

I'm trying to make that decision right now. Feeling is good. Feeling bad, mad, sad is not good. Where is the balance? Oh right, keyword was "imbalance."