Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sometimes I feel very distant. And sometimes I feel very close. And sometimes I cycle in and out of those so quickly.
Much like I cycle through good and bad days pain wise, I've also been finding that I cycle emotionally. Sometimes for days. Sometimes for hours. Sometimes for just a few seconds.

Tonight I was driving along an empty road in total darkness and surrounded by trees. What you must know about me is that I don't like driving at night. I can't see at night. But there were no headlights shining in my eyes. I could see what was ahead of me even of it was just a few feet. And I realized how tranquil that was. And how I wish I could drive roads like that more often, with less cars and enjoy it. The moments I keep finding myself in where I am alone and I have time to think my thoughts or think nothing at all are the moments I am coming to enjoy the most.

For years now I have been numb. I do not deal with things. I throw them aside to be thought about later or buried even deeper. But it all comes back out. In one way or another it comes back out. It has been showing itself lately. I think that is why I'm cycling through emotions like a middle school girl.


The Pensive Journeyman said...

I often drive at night when the moon is bright and let only the moonlight guide me. I'd turn off the headlamps and just go under the moon's white glow, and let the tranquility of it all set in. Peaceful.