Monday, November 23, 2009

I'm not sure why I feel this way. Sometimes I wonder if it's hearing others say how they feel or seeing it. Reading a sad book or watching a sad show. Maybe I've just built it all up for a while. Maybe it's just fate that I feel like this every few months.

I'm happy. I don't understand. I have a lot of good things going for me in my life.

But sometimes I get...sad? Emotional?

My chest is tight and I can't breathe. I told the doctor I'd been feeling like this lately and that I didn't know what was causing the stress, but that it just kept building up and getting worse. That I still wake up tired and that my whole body aches because I tense myself up. That my stomach is eating itself again because I'm nervous over nothing. She said, "And how's school? I guess I'll see you I'm three months."

I'd been fighting to only see her every three months and not to see a counselor and now when I'm showing the signs of needing it, when I'm crying out, she ignores me.

I just wish I could breathe. I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen.