Monday, November 2, 2009

I've been overly sensetive lately. I haven't been crying at everything, but I've felt like crying at nothing.

I'm also going through a pretty rough fibro flare. It's been up and down the last few months and I can feel the down coming back.

I just want to feel good for once. Like even when I do feel good, I can't remember it when I'm feeling bad. I know I've had good days recently, but I honestly can't remember a time when I've felt really good. When I haven't had pain of some sort. When I haven't been out of breath from walking a few steps. When it's been easy to fall asleep or wake up.

I catch myself holding my breath a lot. I'll be so focused on something or so deep in thought that I just forget to breathe. I thought that was supposed to be one of those involuntary things that you didn't have to think about. So why should I have to remind myself to breathe? Does it mean that I'm forgetting to breathe, but purposely holding my breath?