We really had it...in the moments.

So to catch you up...

So...some stuff to catch you up on:

1) School sucks.
Yeah, it really, really does. I have good classes and good teachers for the most part, but I feel lost and lonely and like I have no place. So what am I going to do? I have absolutely no idea.

2) That crazy church I went to.
I went to this crazy community church not yesterday, but the Wednesday before. I thought it was a youth thing, but it was the whole church. It was supposed to be a worship service where you could worship any way you wanted. Cool right? Not for little traditional me. You know, I thought that I was pretty contemporary. I am compared to some people and places I guess, but...wow. This just freaked me out. I can really see why some people thing Christians are in cults.

First, the preacher was really creepy looking. Nice enough, gave a pretty good sermon (for the little time he was up there, because it was mainly worship). He was laying on the floor during the service. Facedown. I've always been one to get down on my knees when worship was really affecting me. He was facedown on the ground. That's cool though...strange for a pastor, but...cool.

At the beginning of the service he asked that we only do two things. No running up and jumping on the stage...that's not worship. And not worshiping in a way that's distracting to others. Like screaming...that would be distracting.

Out of NOWHERE, this lady started screaming in a different language. She was black and I was like, "Hmm...perhaps this is Afrikaans..." I was hoping hoping hoping it wasn't tongues. Maybe some of you believe that that is okay. Maybe it is okay, but I've been raised to believe that it really isn't. Especially if there's no interpreter. So when the pastor got up on the stage and started screaming the same thing I was like, "Okay this must be some Hebrew saying or something that they say during worship." I had to find out. I went up to him after the service and he said, "I don't know what language I was speaking. That was my prayer language." And then proceeded to tell me that this service was only for believers so he was sorry if it scared me. I am a believer mister...

Right before the end of the service, everyone had to go up in front of the stage and crowd around for the last song. That is when I truly saw the weirdness of this group. This guy standing behind me seriously was chanting. I mean, if that's your way to worship...cool. But boy was it distracting. I'm singing and he's all, "Glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, glory, glory, glory."

Wow...

3) I am very unhappy.
I have a lot of things I need to tell people, but I don't want to make things awkward.

4) I am lame.
If you did not already know, I am very lame. I sit in my room all day and play games and do nothing. It's boring.

Blah blah blah

Sitting in Psychology
Talking 'bout what babies feel
Talking 'bout abortion
Talking 'bout surgery
Wiiiiithoooout anesthesia.

Yeah that was a song I just wrote.

This class is miiighty boring.

I'm gonna have a long entry tomorrow on the church I tried out tonight. I truly understand why some people think churches are cult-like.

I also feel very discouraged right now, so if any of you reading this pray, could you pray for me. I'm sure at least one of my roommates will read this, so yes, I'm talking about you. I feel so bad that some people have had bad church experiences. Horrible ones. I have too. But I've pushed through it and found the church of my dreams. A church where I feel at home. A church that challenges me, yes, but a church that also lifts me up.

The thing is with this...I don't think it's so much that they've had bad church experiences...I think its more the fact that when they go to a church, God is tugging at their hearts...and they don't like the feeling. No one likes to be told they're doing something wrong. No one likes to be told their sinning, but the fact is, you are...every day.

If we're gonna have a religious debate, let me get my words out since I let you have yours. And don't whisper behind my back. plzkthx.




You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I met you...I missed you for 29 years.

I would still follow you into the dark.

Get with it...

So lately, I've been pretty complacent in everything I do.

Extra two days to work on English paper and I was just like, "Hmm...I think it's good enough." Which it was I guess, because I got an A-...but still.

Tons of free time. I don't want to go out and do anything. There's tons of stuff I should be doing with my photography and music, but I'm not doing anything.

I wish someone could just scream in my face, "GET WITH IT!"

The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

So I won't post the lyrics to this song, and I won't write about it too much, but I had my iTunes on shuffle today...like right now actually...and this song came on and I almost started crying. I don't know if its the actual lyrics (well it has to be because at some point in my life I related them to something). It brings back feelings and memories...it's almost subconscious. Like when you eat something and then it makes you sick and it wasn't necessarily the food that made you sick, but you associate getting sick with that food and you don't want to eat it anymore. That's kinda how I feel about this song...except I really want to listen to it...it's one of my favorite songs...but my chest is getting tight. It's hard to breathe. I'm dizzy and sweaty and nervous. I don't know...I vaguely remember associating it with something...oh well, it's over now...a Narnia song is on.

So I said I wouldn't write much about that, but I wrote a paragraph...and now I have to leave to go to lunch. I'm not writing well right now....or maybe I am, I don't know. I got an A- on my first college paper. I'll update about that later today when I get home. Yes, I'm going home again.

lovelovelove.

- Karlee