Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My brain is running, but it's on auto-pilot. I feel like I've been conditioned for so long to answer, "How are you?" with, "Fine," that that's all I ever say. When my friends ask: fine. When my parents ask: fine. When customers ask: I'm good. When doctors ask: I'm okay.

When do I ever take the time to think about how I really feel?

Does anyone else struggle with this? I know we all know those people who ask how you are, but don't really care. It's all about being polite. So you give the short simple answer. But do you do that with others as well?

Does anyone have the opposite? The people that do want to know, but you don't want to give detail to so you keep it sweet?

How do I really feel? If I start saying how I really feel will I be called a complainer? A whiner? Is it worth it to be given a title to figure out how you really feel? Or to see if someone would really care?

How am I today?

How am I?

Work sucked. For no reason in particular. Bad mood, bad break time, long period on the express line. Every customer had a case of the Mondays. I had a case of the mondays. And my back hurt.

Felt too tired to go out after work, but I did anyways. For the friends. Watched some movies. Got some love. It cheers me up and makes me think all at once. And then I had to drive home by myself, in the dark, sleepy.

That's how I feel.

I feel like I took an ambien to be able to wake up early tomorrow to go see a movie, but that I probably won't wake up because of the ambien. And I feel like my bf is going to be angry about that. I would be too. I would be too.


Amy D. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy D. said...

Sorry for the deleted comment. I just wanted to fix a mistake I saw in the post. Yay, perfectionism!

There's a difference between whining and simply expressing what's bothering you. Good friends listen to each other. They are there to comfort or counsel when things aren't going so well. I sincerely want to know how my friends are because I want to be there for them if they need me.

Certain situations don't allow a real response to the question "how are you," but I do try to answer honestly when a friend asks. Sometimes it's easy to forget; like you said, the word "fine" flies out so automatically. I often hesitate for fear that my words will put a damper on everything. I think everyone does, to some degree.

It's hard to know who really wants to know, but remember that true friends are there to listen. Friends care. They shouldn't think any less of you for being less than fine.