Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Run away

Do you ever feel like you just want to turn everything off and just run away?

I wanna turn off the computer. Turn off the phone and the texts. Avoid the facebook stalking and the memory of all the mistakes I've made this last year. Pry the phone out of my hand and flex so it's not in a permanent claw shape. I might get lonely. I'd like someone to go with me. But maybe this is something I need to do alone. But not really alone. Get back to nature. Get back to God.

If I thought I was complacent before, I don't know what I am now. I've allowed myself to fall into sins that I never thought I'd touch. I allow myself to be disrespected and thrown around. And for what? A few moments of what I thought were happiness? If this is happiness, I'd hate to feel misery.

I don't want to retreat into a shell. I've made a lot of friends and I've enjoyed having fun, but if retreating is what it takes...I'll go fetal position and comatose. I don't wanna be stuck like this forever.


Amy D. said...

I have felt the same way. If you ever want to talk, please let me know. I love you and I'm always here.