Friday, September 18, 2009

Sleepy head

So apparently, blogging from my phone while I'm in bed is my new thing. I don't think most of the posts make sense, serve a purpose, or have good grammer. But hey, why not?

I'll tell you why not. My phone charger cord has frayed and the wires jab my fingers when I type. I'm gonna be electrocuted tonight. Only slightly worried about that. I just unplugged for now. It's safer that way.

I don't know if it's just the weather...I know it's not just me. I've been feeling pretty down lately. I mean I'm not super depressed like I have been. I have times when I feel good. But even in those moments I find that there's always a tinge of sadness or anger, jealousy or fear. It's always there, like a monster waiting just around the corner.

I don't even know where a lot of these emotions are coming from. I know that most of them are exaggerrated and uncalled for.

I feel very lonely. When I'm not texting or talking to someone I get overwhelmed. It's terrifying to think that I rely on people this much. Of course then, why am I depressed? Because the last like 5-10 friendships I've tried out have ended in failure. Because friends I thought would always be there for me abandoned me. Because I fall for idiots and they end up being just what they are.

And can I ask a few questions. Why do I even want to be friends with you? We loved each other and will always have a connection, but how could I view you as a best friend? All you do is ask for sex or naked pictures. You would cheat on her if I let you. And I won't let you. The same thing happened to you. Why would you do that to someone else? Ok, well maybe it's cause she's a bitch. Just saying...
But seriously, I'm tired of being told to "stop texting" because you're gonna see her.

And second question set: why would I even still think about you? You're an asshole. And I think I'm officially over it. I hope so at least.

Idk if I should use this outlet like a diary. I don't really know if anyone wants to read all this. But for now I'm gonna keep rambling.

I have several guys that wanna take me on dates. Why do I feel so lonely?

I'm really afraid I'm gonna fail some classes this semester. I'm working a lot. I decided to take on this sorority and they have things they want me to do as well. And I just keep putting things off and then realizing there's a lot left to do. I don't want to just scrape by with mediocre work.

I'm gonna have to seriously stop wasting my time on the internet. And in front of the tv. I have got plenty of free time I just need to allocate it.

I think more than anything I just really long to be touched. I need to feel some passion. Some spark.

I hate to say that I don't even care if it's random or going somewhere. I just need to feel something.

I'm on a path of destruction. I'm on a train going somewhere I don't wish to go. Stop please, I'd like to get off.

I don't care just where you go
as long, as long it's with me
and I don't care just what you do
as long, as long as it's with me too.


Amber said...

Hi, pretty girl:)
For starters, I will ALWAYS be your friend. I love hearing whatever is on your mind, whether you think it makes sense or not...I'm always excited to see a long post. I miss being able to see you whenever (even though we didn't see each other often when we had the chance...I regret that!), so just getting to hear about what's going on is wonderful:) Secondlyyy, I love you. I love you. I love you, miss you, mean it :)<333

Amber said...

Also. I deleted my tumblr. That was long lived, huh? New blogspot--

freckleface0816 said...

karlee i miss you <3

Kateeee said...

that pretty much sums up my life.